so my mum told me that as a kid she would peel an apple and throw the peel over her shoulder, and the peel would take the shape of the first letter of her future spouse. naturally, i decided to do it and
i’m fucking crying
it says ‘no.’
it literally says NO.
oh my god
Order a pizza, then immediately begin to have sex.
If he doesn’t cum before the pizza comes, he owes you a free pizza.
Right when you’re about to orgasm inside of your partner, look her in the eyes and intone in a deep, manly voice, “This drill is the drill that will pierce the heavens! Who the hell do you think I am?!”